What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
