is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
