I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
