Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
