Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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