she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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