tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
