My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
