watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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