even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
