rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
even my farts smell like vagina
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
