Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
