He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
We smell like vodka and hangover
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