Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
