Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
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wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
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Boobs are out for the taking
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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