You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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