No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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