Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
