you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i think my tv is drunk
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
