Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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