i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
please come you make the beer taste better
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
