Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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