What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
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