I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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