I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.