Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
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