The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
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When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
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I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
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