I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
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Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
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In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.