Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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