I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
