According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
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You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
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Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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