I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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