Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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