Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
