Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
