Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
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