those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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