worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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