Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
