I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Someone signed my nipple.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
