He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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