1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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