I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I enjoy the company of your penis
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
