no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
