so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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