Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
