No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
