he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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