Duck Duck Cougar?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
