i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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