nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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