ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
