And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i think i have two assholes
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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