I just cut my nipple shaving
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
