I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
