We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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