it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
