If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
