I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
